Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Stop fighting God and surrender

I tie my shoes in the dark and try and be as quiet as I can as I sneak out of the house at 6:30 in the morning. My three giggly girl blessings and my husband still fast asleep as I open the door to the garage and take a breath. Morning is my time. I either use it as my quiet time to journal or I run, both activities bring me closer with my creator.

I started running almost 2 years ago after my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer and was heading back up to NY and I was unable to be with him and my mom. I felt helpless and my body was unable to sit still and I got up and went to the gym, got on the treadmill and started to run. At the time I was about 50 pounds overweight, but I NEEDED to move, I was actually trying to run away from all the mess in my head and heart, but God, in his amazing ways, turned it into me running right towards Him.

2 years later, I am still running and meeting with my creator every time my feet meet the pavement. I walk outside to start to run and it still isn't easy even though I run 4 days a week. Everytime I begin it still seems impossible until I have finished. One of the lessons God has taught me through running is to just surrender to him. We hear this all the time, to surrender to God, but what does it mean, what does it look like? As I run, I figure this statement out. I am unable to keep up the run until I settle into the run and stop fighting myself. I have to tell myself that I can breathe and stop fighting for breath, I have to tell myself that my legs are fine, keep moving. My body needs to stop fighting against itself and settle in or I would stop every few minutes for breath.

This is the same thing with God. We need to surrender to him, stop fighting him to make the long run, if not we are going to stop during every change of circumstance, not sure if we can make it. But when I just surrender to him, settle into the run and know I can do this, believe God is strong enough , my body can do this, then I can finish the race before me. Infact, when I do settle in and stop fighting it, I can feel as though I can run longer,its amazing. Same in life, when I stop fighting God because I don't understand, because I don't want to, because its uncompfortable, when I just surrender, I have strength to keep going! Surrendering sounds passive, but I am given so much strength in this vulneralbility, more strength than I could of ever had on my own.

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